I Am One of the Immunosuppressed
Living through Covid-19 uncertainty with heightened risk
I have MS. My disease-modifying therapy is Rituxan, a chemo drug used off-label for MS. The idea is that, with an autoimmune disease like MS, if you can wipe out the offending B cells, it might slow down the progression of the disease — put it into remission. At least for a while.
When I was diagnosed and chose this DMT over two others (they all suck, though I’m grateful for them), I knew I’d be immunosuppressed and just resigned myself to being sick all the time. Though I did get sick now and then, it was far less than I’d anticipated. I tried to use diet, vitamins, and supplements to boost my immunity in positive ways — for whatever it was worth. I longed to have some sense of control over some part of my world order, because MS is a real mind-fuck.
And somewhere along the way I realized: We’re all dealing with a mind-fuck of our own in that we don’t know what’s coming next, but we do know that, eventually, something terrible will come. We’re all walking through the same jungle, but I’m being slowly swallowed by the snake instead of waiting for it to strike.
There’s a curious brand of loneliness that accompanies being a member of one of the “at-risk” groups.
