Member-only story
It’s Not Funny! Why We Laugh When We Shouldn’t
Funerals, breakups, and other serious situations sometimes elicit a funny (lol) response
“I can’t break up with her. I’ll start laughing,” he says. Two years into a lackluster relationship, my friend Ben is ready to go it alone. His admission prompts a perplexed chuckle from our small group. “Wait. So, who’s going to break up with her?” I wonder.
“I don’t know, but it can’t be me. I guarantee I will burst into laughter.”
“I love thinking about embarrassing [or] awkward laughter,” Adrienne Wood, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, tells me. It’s what she calls “affiliation laughter” — the kind that’s more about the sound than the joke. Much like grunting or moaning — almost reflexive vocalization — affiliative laughter tries to take the heat out of the situation. “Laughter tells everyone not to take things seriously. It’s telling the people around you how they should react to your awkwardness,” she says.
Laughter during a breakup or at Grandma’s funeral (guilty — I blame the ridiculous music), is often an attempt to defuse an awkward situation. We laugh to dilute the seriousness.
“It signals non-threatening intentions and undoes social tension,” Wood explains. “When you laugh…
