Emotional Granularity Saved My Marriage
Learning to articulate a wider range of emotions can lead to better control and relationships
When our 16-month-old stopped sleeping through the night, my marriage became a battleground. It started shortly after the holidays. After all the houseguests had gone home, instead of an anticipated return to normalcy, our formerly independent sleeper began insisting we rock him to sleep. Night after night, it took an increasingly long time for Oscar to nod off, only for him to spring back up screaming the second we laid him in the crib.
My husband and I were repeating the routine three, four, five times a night. At four in the morning, the feelings of frustration, worry, and inadequacy would melt together into a blind rage, which we’d often direct at one another. My husband would interpret the tension in my voice as a criticism of him. He’d respond defensively, which would make me critical of him (if I wasn’t already) and more frustrated. In no time, we’d be relitigating earlier disagreements, attacking one another’s communication styles, and generally arguing over who was to blame. Our marriage was in crisis.
To say that my husband and I were pretty miserable as new parents is no exaggeration, nor does it make us very unique: Research finds that most couples experience…
