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Holding a Grudge Can Make You Sick
How your health depends on forgiveness
In a world where connection can happen instantaneously, grudges can, too. Whether you unleash rage on an online offender or harbor decades of silent bitterness against a family member, ill will can feel gratifying. But a growing body of research suggests unforgiveness — especially when it’s associated with long-term stress — can be just as toxic for the grudge-holder.
Loren Toussaint, PhD, professor of psychology at Luther College in Iowa, has extensively studied forgiveness and its effects. While unforgiveness, by definition, might seem like merely a lack of forgiveness, Toussaint says it’s more like a mix of several potentially harmful emotions.
“With unforgiveness, you’ve actually cooked up a brew of bitterness, hostility, and revenge, a unique combination of emotions that surround your experience of being wronged, and that are virtually indistinguishable from stress,” he says. “And anything that triggers the stress response isn’t good for you.”
Perceiving we’ve been wronged or ruminating on anger keeps us in a state of fight-or-flight, where the brain triggers autonomic defense responses in the body (like a racing heart, slowed digestion, and sweaty palms).
