How Sexual Assault Survivors Are Redefining Pleasurable Sex
Some survivors are learning to move past their trauma by asserting their needs
A man raped me when I was 18 years old. I was just starting to get comfortable with my sexual self, and the assault forever changed how I approached sex. As I recovered, I renegotiated the process of creating a safe, healthy sex life — and found that some aspects of that sex life were actually better than before. But why?
Reclaiming a sexual identity has led some survivors to a similar place: They’re having better sex than they were before they were assaulted — and often they tie these improvements to the experience of coping with assault. These survivors can become more focused on pleasure, enthusiastic consent, assertive communication, and sexual exploration than they were pre-assault. This kind of post-traumatic growth has led survivors forward to more embodied, communicative, and pleasurable sex — not just for other survivors, but for all of us.
“I would never say [the assault] was a positive thing, and it still affects me really badly,” says Angela, a rape survivor. Even so, she found that in the wake of her assault her sex life improved — and her perspective on sex fundamentally changed. Angela worked with her partner towards more clear consent and made sure…
