The Elemental Guide to Water

Is This Existential Despair, or Do I Just Need to Drink Some Water?

When being parched feels like the end of the world

This story is part of The Elemental Guide to Water, a five-part special report on the health benefits of water, the science behind seltzer, the truth about fancy H2O, the safety of tap water, and how much water you really need to drink.

Let me set the scene for you. It’s 4 in the afternoon on a Tuesday — any Tuesday. I’ve been working since 8 in the morning. Nothing particularly bad has happened. It’s a typical day, full of typical tasks. But then, it happens: This creeping sensation that everything is awful. My writing is terrible, and my fingers are full of lead, and oh my god, I hate everyone!

Eventually, my spiraling emotions lead me to the office kitchen, where I’ll grab a snack from the vending machine or, more importantly, where I’ll spy the watercooler and think hmm, when was the last time I had a drink of water? When I can’t come up with the answer, I’ll fill up my bottle and start sipping. And then, would you believe, I almost always feel a little bit better? Hydration! Who knew?

Let’s call it “thirstrage” — a very official portmanteau of “thirst” and “outrage” I definitely didn’t just…