My Therapist Says

My Therapist Says the Pandemic Is the Perfect Time to Set Boundaries

Social distancing brings the rare opportunity to redefine our communication and relationships

Ashley Lauretta
Elemental
Published in
4 min readJul 15, 2020

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Illustration: Kate Dehler

My relationship with my mother has always been Gilmore Girls–esque: witty dialogue, borderline-TMI communication style, but much less coffee and no Ivy League education. This has existed pretty much all of my life. Case in point: When I was 17, I sat her down to say I was headed to my boyfriend’s house to lose my virginity. A year later, she told me details of her divorce from my then stepdad, including his infidelity. From what I’ve gathered from friends, these aren’t things mothers and daughters openly share.

Personally, I wasn’t expecting to have a daughter — my husband is one of many brothers and no sisters — but I thought that if I ever did, I’d want the exact same relationship with my child. I wouldn’t be the person I am without my mother. But while our relationship has always worked for us, once I became a mother myself, I realized it isn’t always the healthiest.

Somewhere along the away, I became convinced that I needed to be the one to solve all of my mom’s problems — even when she doesn’t ask me to. Just a few months ago, after we began social distancing, my…

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Ashley Lauretta
Elemental

Ashley Lauretta is a freelance writer and editor based in Austin, Texas. Her work appears in The Atlantic, ELLE, Men’s Journal, espnW and more.