Teen Boys Need More Than One ‘Sex Talk’

In her new book ‘Boys and Sex,’ Peggy Orenstein makes the case for having more frank conversations with teens about porn, consent, and feelings. Even if you’d rather poke your eye out.

Sarah Begley
Elemental
Published in
9 min readJan 13, 2020

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Photo: Maskot/Getty Images

PPeggy Orenstein has been writing bestselling books about girls’ development for 25 years, from Schoolgirls to Cinderella Ate My Daughter. But after her last book, Girls and Sex, she realized no one was talking to teenage boys about sex — or at least, not listening to them about it.

For her new book, Boys and Sex, she spent two years interviewing more than 100 boys between the ages of 16 and 22 from high schools and colleges around the U.S. Elemental caught up with Orenstein to hear what those boys had to say about consent, pleasure, porn, “good guys,” locker room talk, and, yes, feelings.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Elemental: What surprised you most in the conversations you had with boys about sex?

Orenstein: Honestly, it was how much they wanted to have the conversation at all, how eager they were to talk, how honest and candid they were. It made me realize that nobody talks to boys…

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Sarah Begley
Elemental

Director at Medium working with authors and books. Formerly a staff writer and editor at Time.