When Staying Composed Harms Your Health
Saying “I’m fine” when you’re anything but can have serious consequences
“So how are you feeling?” the doctor, who I was seeing for the second time in two weeks, asked as she prepped the shot that would hopefully bolster my diminishing vitamin levels. “I’m fine; how are you?” I asked, replying with the immediate, automated bounce of an email out-of-office reply.
“I’m good,” she said, one eyebrow raised. “But it feels like you’re deflecting a bit here. Because this isn’t fine.” “This” meant the medical records that told her the chronic illness I’d been white-knuckling it through for the past five or so years was worsening. The severe vitamin deficiencies caused by the mystery condition were depleting my energy, melting my ability to climb stairs or firmly grip a coffee mug. They were also oozing into my memory, causing my normally rapid-fire thoughts to trail off into nowhere as I struggled to remember what I’d been talking about moments before.
It was the most recent of many times I’d said “I’m fine” when I wasn’t — because I didn’t know how to say otherwise.
Being “fine” is related to the virtues of composure and poise, or the “collectedness,” which I imagine is what people feel when they seamlessly put change in their wallet at the checkout without…
