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When Therapists Get Together to Talk About Our Patients
Talking to colleagues helps us reexamine not just our patients, but ourselves in relation to our patients
It’s Friday afternoon in my colleague Maxine’s office and, along with four fellow therapists, I’m talking about a patient I can’t seem to help.
Is it her? Is it me? That’s what I’m here to find out.
Becca is 30 years old, and she came to me a year ago because of difficulty with her social life. She did well at her work but felt hurt that her peers excluded her, never inviting her to join them for lunch or drinks. Meanwhile, she’d just dated a string of men who seemed excited at first but broke it off after two months.
Was it her? Was it them? That’s what she’d come to therapy to find out.
This isn’t the first time I’ve brought up Becca on a Friday at 4 p.m. when our weekly group meets. Though not required, consultation groups are a fixture of many therapists’ lives. Working alone, we don’t have the benefit of input from others, whether that’s praise for a job well done or feedback on how to do better. Here we examine not just our patients, but ourselves in relation to our patients.
In our group, Andrea can say to me, “That patient sounds like your brother. That’s why you’re responding that way.” I can help Ian manage his feelings about the patient who begins her sessions by reporting her horoscope (“I can’t stand this woo-woo shit,” he says). Group consultation is a system — imperfect, but valuable — of checks and balances to ensure that we’re maintaining objectivity, homing in on the important themes, and not missing anything obvious in the treatment.
Admittedly, there’s also banter on these Friday afternoons — often along with food and wine.
“It’s the same dilemma,” I tell the group — Maxine, Andrea, Claire, and Ian, our lone male. Everyone has blind spots, I add, but what’s notable about Becca is that she seems to have so little curiosity about herself.
The members of the group nod. Many people begin therapy more curious about others than about themselves — Why does my husband do this? But in each conversation, we sprinkle seeds of curiosity, because…
