Which Is Worse: Regretting What You Did or Didn’t Do?
The soulful science behind woulda, coulda, shoulda
Which is worse: regretting what you did or didn’t do? Which is harder to live with: a misstep or a missed opportunity?
This is a writing prompt I’ve used in a class I teach called “Writing Your World.” The best writing prompts are evocative, and because much of life writing comes down to better understanding ourselves — and our decisions — in relation to the past, as an instructor, I’ve found this prompt particularly useful.
As a therapist and clinical ethicist, I’m always fascinated at the follow-up discussion. Almost without fail, students echo what research shows: more people regret things they didn’t do than things they did, even if those things turned out badly.
What regret is and isn’t
Regret is the emotion that emerges when we realize that the consequences of past decisions or actions, if changed, may have achieved a more desirable outcome. Such negativity about the past can be viewed generally, or it can be focused on a particular situation. In either case, regret tends to be a long-lasting emotion.
Regret is often associated with guilt, shame, disappointment, and remorse, but it differs in a few crucial ways. While…
