Member-only story
Coping With Death
You Have the Right to Grieve
Loss is loss, whether old or new, animal or human
I first saw the story on Twitter. Dr. Ben Janaway, NHS psychiatrist, educator and mental health advocate, posted a photo of himself at the gym — but this was not the usual workout selfie. His jaw set, his face grim, Ben explained that turning pain into physical activity helped him to grieve.
I have followed Ben for a while, though we aren’t personally acquainted outside the digital stratosphere. We both have interests in health access and social justice, and Ben — himself a doctor — is open about his own struggles with mental health. Burly and bearded, a self-proclaimed “viking with neurosis,” Ben spends a lot of time helping others; I naturally wanted to know what had happened to bring him sorrow.
Ben had just lost Martha. Martha was a cat. When I asked him if I might speak about his experience in losing her, he was at first apologetic: “It’s just a cat, it doesn’t compare.” My heart broke to hear that, because I know for Ben, she was not “just.” And yet, our first impulse is often to say such things, as if that loss is less important than other kinds.
Loss is loss. Every time we lose something we have loved, a part of us goes with it. And you are allowed to grieve. You have a…
