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MY THERAPIST SAYS

My Therapist Says I’m Not Paranoid, I’m Being Gaslit

The problem isn’t you

Tahirah Alexander Green
Elemental
Published in
4 min readAug 24, 2020

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An illustration of a person in a bubble pressing outward, surrounded by pointing fingers, coronavirus, and masks.
Illustration: Kate Dehler

If my therapist had a catchphrase, it would be, “Okay, let’s reframe!” Change the story you tell yourself, she always advises. Talk to yourself as if you’re a close friend.

If I had a catchphrase, it would be, “But, I’m the problem!”

Personal blame and guilt have been my default settings for a very long time. Presented with a bad situation, I will always find a way to make everything my fault. My therapist often presents me with an alternative — what if the problem isn’t me? What if I stopped internalizing, and started externalizing?

Given the federal, state, and local governments’ failure to responsibly address the Covid-19 pandemic, I’m right to be worried.

For months now, one of my recurring self-criticisms is around leaving the house. I’m nervous when people walk too close to me on the sidewalk. Passing a jogger without a mask feels deadly. I don’t like venturing too far from my neighborhood. During the onset of stay-at-home orders in the Washington, D.C., region, I spent hours worrying about the movements of my younger siblings who live in D.C. suburbs. I still worry. My…

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Elemental
Elemental

Published in Elemental

Elemental is a former publication from Medium for science-backed health and wellness coverage. Currently inactive and not taking submissions.

Tahirah Alexander Green
Tahirah Alexander Green

Written by Tahirah Alexander Green

Tahirah is a storyteller. You can read their work in The Rumpus, Black Youth Project, Autostraddle, Electric Literature and more. www.tahirahagreen.com