This Is What Keeps Doctors Going During a Pandemic

When we’re stripped of our resources, our science, and our egos, there’s only one thing left

JT Nakagawa
Elemental

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Photo: STR/Getty Images

WeWe are in a bizarre state of limbo within this crisis. We feel hopelessly behind, yet still, attempt courageous efforts to be preemptive. Looking down the barrel of coronavirus, my medical residency program had a fantasy of control. We hoped we might identify which services were essential and which were not, staff physicians appropriately, and stagger work hours to minimize exposures and allow some to be available for backup when others inevitably fell victim to either quarantine or the virus.

Imagine our dismay when we, overnight, lost five residents to quarantine. Imagine how our morale tanked when we realized we could not be there for one another in person, and when the only way we could communicate was via text message because there simply weren’t enough of us to cover all the shifts. We suddenly felt we were no longer a team but now just individuals — numbers waiting to fall — who were, more or less, on our own.

These days, I feel a sort of odd belonging in the hospital. Here, I’ve had the privilege of seeing the best and the worst of humanity. For every physician willing to risk their life to be on the front lines, I’ve heard another say, “I didn’t…

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